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Grief

I’m not totally sure what to write about. I do have a lot on my mind, I’m just unsure of what I want to share.

I’ve had several people suggest I talk to a grief counselor. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I know people are worried about. Many of my friends know how close my mom and I were. She was 100% my best friend. I trusted her completely. She was always there for me no matter what. I’m having a hard time dealing with her being gone. It doesn’t feel real. I keep waiting to wake up and things to be normal. I keep waiting for a phone call from her. I just want to talk to her. Tell her how much I love and need her here with me. I know that she knew exactly how I felt. I have always been proud to be a mamas boy. I will be until I die. No one can even compare to her in my book. But people are worried about me because I’m so quiet about it. I know I’m holding my pain in, hoping it will go away. I just can’t face this. I’m not ready. I dont know how to. I’m so confused. Im broken. But I know I have to pull myself back up. I have to be strong no matter how hard it is. I can’t let this destroy my life. I need to learn to accept what I cannot change. I need to trust in the Lord and let him heal me.

Through out all of this I am so proud of my sisters, aunt and Grandma. Erin has been that rock for me. Not a replacement but a lifesaver. She’s there, everyday, texting and calling to see if I’m okay. My Aunt has texted me nearly everyday to tell me that she loves me. Chelsea is being stronger than I am. I’m proud of my tough Lil sister lol. My grandma has been so strong for us. She’s had her stuff together this whole time but I worry about her. She is a strong woman but I see her pain. I feel it and it tears me up. And Rhonda has kept my busy, making me have fun and keeping me occupied. I don’t know how she’s done it because I know she’s really hurting too.

I think blogging will help me grieve. It will be a way for me to say what I’m feeling and let it out. I thank all of you who have stopped by this blog. Thank those of you who called or reached out to my family. Thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers. We will be okay but keep praying.

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One response to “Grief

  1. Cheryl ⋅

    “To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say.
    But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
    I’m writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
    Here, there’s no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
    Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight.
    Remember that I’m with you every
    morning, noon and night.
    That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
    God picked me up and hugged me and He said, “I welcome you.”
    “It’s good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.
    As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
    I need you here badly, you’re part of my plan.
    There’s so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.”
    God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do,
    and foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
    And when you lie in bed at night, the day’s chores put to flight,
    God and I are closest to you… in the middle of the night.
    When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years,
    because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
    But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
    Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
    I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
    But if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand.
    But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o’er.
    I’m closer to you now, than I ever was before.
    There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
    But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
    It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too….
    That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
    If you can help somebody who’s in sorrow and pain,
    then you can say to God at night… “My day was not in vain.”
    And now I am contented…. that my life has been wothwhile,
    Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
    So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
    Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
    When you’re walking down the street, and you’ve got me on your mind;
    I’m walking in you footsteps only half a step behind.
    And when it’s time for you to go…. from that body to be free,
    remember you’re not going…. you’re coming here to me.

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