I’m sorry but I need to put my thoughts into words. I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself, but this is for me really.
I don’t know how to truly express how I’m feeling right now. I’m so so sad. I miss you so much. I keep waiting on you to call me and ask me what I’m doing. I keep wanting to call you and see how your day is. I keep wanting to ask you what I need to do next. I wish you were here to tell me that everything is okay. I know that we will all be okay but I don’t know how to BE without you. You were my rock. You always picked me up when I was down. You know how to calm me when I’m upset. You know how to make me laugh and I don’t have that anymore. I don’t know what to do. Who am I going to call when it’s icy out and I’m nervous. I always knew I’d be okay while you were on the line. Who is going to give me shit for not telling you when I was out of town for the day. Who is going to call me every five minutes at work to tell me the Colts score? I don’t want anyone else to do that for me. No one will ever be able to fill your shoes. You are one of a kind and you always made people laugh. You were always the life of the party, the biggest personality in the room. My life will never be the same without you. Although the pain will lessen, it will never go away. I’ll hurt and miss you until I see you in heaven. I know you are with me now. I can feel you there with me. I see you when I look in the mirror. It makes me sad but I’m so proud to look just like you. You are so beautiful and wonderful and I miss you. I love you so much and I know you knew that. I am so proud that I can call you my mother.