I have had a lot of things on my mind here lately and I just didn’t really want to go there. This post may not be fo everyone. I’m not posting to be mean, I’m posting because I need to get this out of my mind. Please don’t read this if you don’t really want to hear it.
1. I can’t figure out how I can be one of the most important people in a persons life one day and the next not even rank in the top 10. That really really hurts. It makes me constantly question myself. What did I do wrong? How long have I been this low on the ‘list’? What could I have done differently? Do I really want things to change or do I even want my old life back? Deep down I know mist of these questions. Really, almost all of the things I know are my fault in many ways. There are things I could have done differently but I don’t real think it would have made a difference.
2. Here lately I’ve been kicking my self in the ass. Why did I fuck my life up? I’ve always had people tell me that I have potential. I just don’t see it anymore. I’m good at many things but I threw my future away in highschool. I never took it seriously. I should I tried harded. I should have gone to college. Because I didn’t, in stuck in my job. It’s really not a bad job. I just live with this constant idea in my head that I am way better than thi job. I can do so much more. I’m being held back and I can’t control that but I should have gone to school. I fucked up. It’s that simple. Pay Less Is my only responsible choice. I make okay money, I’m good at my job. I have great friends from there. I just have no good options with out an education.
That’s really what’s on my mind. I feel better saying it. It’s not easy putting myself out like this. Thanks or those of you who stop by. I appreciate it.