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Vicious Circle

I’m just really feeling shitty right now. I don’t really have a specific reason to feel this way but I’m not happy. I think it’s because we are still living together. I can’t get over this while living in the same house as her. I don’t think she really feels the same way but I have no control over that. If we are going going to live together we need to set up some guidelines we both can follow. Like, I will not start another relationship until I’m living somewhere else. I just won’t. It’s not nice of me. I still respect what we had and if I go into a relationship when we see each other everyday it would be a slap in the face. I can’t do that. I don’t want to hurt her at all. I stil have a family here. I love what we had there. I can’t just turn my back on all of that.

I know I have to get over this but I just can’t here. I know I’m repeating myself but it’s what keeps flowing through my mind. I need to be strong, keep my word, suck it up and move on. I know that’s what I need to do but it’s difficult. Very difficult to turn my back on three years. I can do this, I will be okay. It’s just going to take some time. I just wish I could shut my brain off and get sleep. I lay awake thinking and it keeps me from sleep. Then I fall asleep and dream about what I was thinking about. It’s a vicious circle I need to escape. Wish me luck please!

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