Weekend Wrap Up 5-28-12

1. Loud, awesome music makes me speed while I’m driving. A little ‘Beautiful People’ from Marilyn Manson and I’m hauling ass. I can’t help it!

2. I’d rather have a bottle on front of me than a frontal lobotomy. (My favorite teacher always said that. I find it to be true though.)

3. It feels like summer. It’s amazing. Unfortunately, people are dressing like its summer. Meaning: Less cloth more ass. Yikes.

4. I’m always amazed by people and their closed minds. I had an idiot call me a ‘Fat Mexican’. Ok, first off. I’m not fat. I’m not even over weight. I’m just under tall. Secondly, I’m proud of my hispanic heritage. I’m sorry if you think calling me an ethnicity is insulting. It shows how ignorant you are.

5. Flying out of a golf cart isn’t as fun as it sounds. I found out the hard way……Thanks Millie.

6. I plan on being a dark brown color by the end of my vacation. It’s gonna happen!

Weekend Wrap Up 5/20/12

1. The countdown is officially on for my vacation. I’m not doing shit! I’ll spend the first week of June laying poolside and enjoying the sunshine. (with my luck, it will rain all week)

2. I’ve decided that, if the grocery business doesn’t work out for me, I could have a future as a male escort. Who wouldn’t want to pay for my company?

3. Number 2 was a joke. But the other number 2 is not a joke…. Ever.

4. Never trust a sneeze (refer to number 3)

5. I know I’ve said it before, but I must repeat this. Just because it comes in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it. I think everyone should have a full-size mirror in their house so they can see what they look like before leaving the house.

6. I need some diversity in my life. I do the same thing everyday. It’s hard to have a social life with my working hours. Someone needs to talk to the asshole who writes my schedule …. Oh wait! That’s me. (and who are you calling an asshole? )

7. People always make fun of my bathroom quirkiness. Here’s my secret (that everyone already knows) : I’ve got to be 100% naked to take a number two. I don’t know where this stems from but it’s real. When I say must be naked I mean it. I can’t even have a bracelet on. If I’m wearing anything my body won’t cooperate with me. I’ll be all stopped up and that’s no fun.

8. Because of number 7, I can only poop at home. I can not ever poop in public. You’ll never catch me using a stall in a public place (besides to pee, because no one likes a pecker checker).

9. Insomnia is my most recent nemesis. I lay awake for hours every night thinking about nothing and everything all at the same time. What kind of tricks do you use to fall asleep every night?

10. Nope. That’s it. I’ve got nothing else for you.

My Secret Addiction

I think our phones are killng us. Slowly but surely. They are sucking our souls out from our finger tips and our eyeballs! Think about it. We are addicted! Really, ask yourself this question: When was the last time you took a shit without your cellphone in your hand? Or this question: When was the last time you fell asleep with out playing on your phone for an hour? If your answer is anything other than never than you are a liar and you know it!

Cellphones are not just a a phone in this day in age. They are our best friends. We need them. They are our constant companions. I know mine is always either in my hand or in my pocket. I know where my phone is at all times. If it’s battery is low I fear that it will die and that I will have to go without it for a while. I worry what I will do without it. I always keep a phone charger near me. I keep a charger in my car, I keep one in my desk at work, I have one in my living room and I have one in my bed room.

I know that I have a problem but I can’t help it! I need to go to rehab! Phone addiction is a serious problem that affects millions of Americans yearly. Please don’t take this lightly!

;

I hope you all know that this all an exaggeration. I do feel like I am addicted to my phone a little too much sometimes but that’s okay. We all have our vices. At least I’m not a drunk or druggie!

How to Conduct Yourself In Public

I see, smell and hear some crazy shit working in retail. Because of this I’ve compiled a list of rules and suggestions for going out in public. Nothing too fancy or difficult. I think everything is fairly manageable. Feel free to add to my list:

- Deodorant should be mandatory. Violators should have their faces shoved in other violators arm pits until
they learn their lessons.

- Just because it comes in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it.

- If you can tuck your boobs into your pants you should probably be wearing a bra.

- Please, for the respect and common courtesy of others, wear (clean) underwear if your pants have holes in them!

- Please brush your teeth….or Tooth. Whichever applies.

- Don’t play your music on your phone so everyone can hear it. It doesn’t make you cool. It makes you an asshole.

- If you spray spit when you speak either cover your mouth or wear a face mask. I don’t want your plague getting on my face. I feel the need to scrub my face with rubbing alcohol 9 times out of 10. Gross!

- The words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are still in use. Please, use them. Thank you.

- If you can’t control your child, leave his bad ass home. No one wants to hear him scream through the entire store. Also, no one wants to hear you scream at the child to shut up.

- My name is not ‘hey’ ‘hey you’ humm’ ‘*cough*’ ‘I need help over here’. ‘Excuse me’ will be sufficient.

Get the Funk Out

I swear I’m not usually a negative person but I just can’t seem to shake the depression lately! It’s really tearing me down and I hate it. I don’t know what my problem is but I know it’s eating me up. I know it’s bad because my best friend asks me the other day, ‘what’s wrong with you? You’ve changed.’. It’s not that I’ve changed, it’s just that I’m trying to deal with all this stress and keep my head above water.

I really don’t have anything wrong in my life. I’m very fortunate. I have a great job and great friends. I have a family that loves me (we may not be as close as we used to be but I still love them and I’m grateful for them all). I just keep feeling so down. I think it might me the constant feeling of deja vu that is my life. I do the same stuff day in and day out. I wake up- go to work- then come home and sleep. That’s about it. But I really shouldn’t bitch about that. I should be happy that I have a job. It’s just hard to have a life sometimes lol.

I need to get out more. I need to do things that entertain me. I need to do more things that are just for me and make me happy. I guess I don’t really know how to do that. I’ve spent most of my life making other people happy and not worrying about myself. But for the first time in my life I don’t have anyone. I don’t have anyone to take care of or worry about. At the same time I don’t have anyone who worries about me. It sucks but it is what it is. No one can pull me out of this funk but me. I need to get my head out of my ass and do something to change it.

Sorry for my pity party. I feel better now!

I lie

Ok so I lied. I haven’t been posting like I said I would. What can I say? I’m a busy dude! But that’s not my only excuse! I also don’t have the Internet at home! So here’s my plan: I’m gonna blog on my laptop and connect via wifi when I can and post then. I’ll still blog often just don’t know how often they will get posted. I’m gonna look at getting cable/Internet turned in first of April but it’s gonna have to with at least that long.

Hope you see something soon. Until then check me out on twitter!

I’m back!!

I don’t blog nearly as much as I should. I just don’t have the time lately! I’ve worked over 60 hours in the last 7 days and I’m exhausted! But I’ve decided to challenge myself on my blog like I have challenged myself on twitter. (follow me here ) I’ve challenged myself to up my game. Start posting more often. I may not blog everyday but you can be sure I will post more than I do now. Trust me, I have plenty to say!

Phone Calls

I have had some weird phone conversations while working retail. People never surprise me with how crazy they are. I’ve been on dozen crazy calls but here are some of the mist fucked up:

Number One
Me: Good afternoon. Thank you for calling (business name) can I help you?

Caller: Do you sell camelopes?

Me: Do we sell what?

Caller: Camelopes.

Me: (thinking WTF) ummm….we sell cantaloupes.

Caller: yeah, Camelopes. Thanks.

Number Two

Me: (standard greeting)

Caller: Yes, I don’t get my food stamps until after midnight. Can I come in now and shop and ya’ll charge me tomorrow?

Me: No

Number Three

Me: (standard greeting)

Caller: Yes, what do you have on sale this week?

Me: uhh… As far as what?

Caller: What do you have on sale this week? Ya know, groceries.

Me: You should have gotten an ad in the mail. We have several things on sale. I can’t tell them all.

Caller: why not? Thats your job, right? You work in customer service.

Me: I can tell you if a certain product is on sale but I’m not reading the whole ad to you.

Caller: I’ll just shop somewhere else.

Shameless People

People disgust me. Some have no pride but others have no shame. I’m amazed at home some people leave their houses. They look like they fell into their closet and were attacked by their clothes. Others look like they are wearing their childrens clothes. I’m gonna give you some examples. Shout out to People Of Walmart for the pictures.

If your boobs hang to your knees you may want to wear a bra. Please spare us!

This lady is the definition of sexy. She would make any man a trophy wife. I wonder how I can get her number?

That’s a lot of ass. Please cove it. Thank you.

Hey! Look! Two double wides!

Please, put some panties on! There are children present. They should put her next to the condom case. She is better birth control than anything they could ever sell!

Ok guys. Thanks for the visit. Come back soon.

Random Ramblings #4

1. Life is so fucked up sometimes.

2. I’m not bitter, I’m experienced.

3. Kim Jong Il dead…….Team America will never be the same for me

4. Deleted

5.Christmas sucks and so do you holly jolly fuckers.

6. Lonely most of the time now. I love my dog but he doesn’t really have much to say to me.

7. I need a drink. I strong one.

8. I hate the cold.

9. This blog post is a fucking downer.

10. Live and learn. Better that than learn nothing.

11. Tomorrow is a new day.

12. Never let someone else think for you.